Women and Work

Working mothers are in a unique situation, they are obligated to their employers to be a productive member of the team. However we also have families to take care of. I missed my daughter’s first soccer practice yesterday and I don’t think that’s fair. I was at my oldest daughter’s first practice and her first game; I went to the first swim lesson and attended many school events.  With my youngest unfortunately I have not been able to do some of these things.

Women should not have to choose between work and children, it is time for employers to understand that women are valuable employees and we also deserve to be home with our children at the hours that we see fit. It’s not fair to me or my girls to only see me for two hours a day some days even less. I experienced the same internal struggle while I was in college, I love my family and I want to spend time with them every day, even if we are in the car or they are participating in sporting events.

When I was unemployed my feminist tendencies where subdued and I was more annoyed with the traditional gender roles in my marriage. Now that I am working for a large corporation as a part-time employee with full-time hours (which is another story all together) I can see how little women mean to the corporation as a whole. I don’t think it’s on purpose but, there is an underlying culture of sexism and the notion that we are expendable. I am not willing to compromise my relationship with my children for this particular position.

I identify as mother first, and an employee second. I know that this stance is not going to get me anywhere in my working life, and there is the root of the problem. We are forced to make this choice and I know I’m just one mother, but I refuse to make that choice. If there is no way to compromise between my employer and myself then this relationship is doomed. One comment that was made to me was “your married let your husband deal with the kids” … Really? My kids love their Daddy and so do I but, I’m the mom and I hate to feel disconnected from their schooling and the day to day challenges that life brings.

Every mother should have the right to raise their children on daily basis not just on their off days or when it’s convenient for their employer.  In addition every working woman should be allowed a separate amount of “sick days” for when their children are sick. One of my kids has very bad allergies and we take every preventive measure to make sure she stays healthy. However, she still gets a sinus infection about once a month, what am I supposed to do? Leave her with my in-laws? Even though they are very supportive and would do that for us, I don’t think that’s fair to them or to my daughter. When she is sick she wants her mommy and I should be available to her.

This job and the current political climate have me really fired up about women’s rights.  Working women deserve more than what we currently have and the male dominated management staff in most jobs is only perpetuating the problem. As I have said before, we are past due for another revolution with idea’s and laws that are going to stick. I’m more than ready to “fix” these problem

The Emerging Feminist: Part 1

The lack of respect that Rush has shown women is disgusting. This is not a political party affiliation issue. This is a historical issue. His comments were misogynistic and uncalled for. However, there is a bigger problem here, the treatment of women. I would like to know how many listeners turned off their radios in disgust; I would also like to know how many tuned in the next day to hear more. The problem is the people who agree with his choice of words and lewd suggestions and continue to support him.

A word to the wise, women have sex and like it just as much as men do. I'm positive we made that clear in the 60's and 70's. However, we are still judged and criticized when we engage in sex and especially when we want to protect ourselves from unwanted pregnancies. There are many reasons to protect ourselves we could lose our jobs and if we are subjected to a urinalysis during pre-employment they can test for pregnancy without our knowledge. In addition, if women decide they are done having kids, what are they supposed to do? Stop having sex with their husband?  Seriously, is that what men want and how many marriages would survive… What kind of world are we living in when rich white men can say whatever they want about women? I strongly believe that those comments qualify has harassment and he should be fired.

Why is it so hard to understand that we are not the lesser sex? What is it going to take for people to realize that women matter? When are people going to understand that these very public conversations we are having about abortion and contraception do not belong in the public sphere, these are issues women should be addressing with their partners and doctors.

I understand that politicians and religious leaders have opinions about these matters, but that’s all it is opinions we should not, as a voting public, put weight into their opinions. It’s fine to oppose birth control and abortion, but that does not give conservatives a license to take it away. What the hell happened to rights? To freedom?

The entire country needs a freaking history lesson about women, I know a good teacher. Even my extremely conservative God fearing friends use birth control or condoms; we already fought for it and won! Why on earth would we change that? A better question is how does it benefit women to take their rights away? We are NOT going back to the kitchen or the laundry room. I will wait tables, bar tend and cashier for the rest of my life if that’s what I have to do.

The Bottom Line is, put your penis back in your pants if you oppose your wife, girlfriend or sex buddy using contraception otherwise, shut the hell up. A little understanding and respect go a long way. And always remember what your Mother said “if you don’t have anything nice to say, keep your stupid, ignorant and sexist mouth shut.”

Contraception Issues: Young and Old

The Issue of abortion and contraception are at the forefront of the news again. We are in the midst of an election cycle therefore these topics tend to be, annoyingly, in the spot light. Let me make it very clear, no man should ever have the right to tell a woman whether or not she can use birth control or have an abortion.

All women should have the right choose and all women should have access to birth control. No questions asked. There should not be an age limit on abortion or contraception. We cannot as a society, pass judgment on girls and women who choose to utilize these tools in family planning. The problem is our predominantly white and male leadership. Their lack of empathy and understanding is nauseating, how could they ever understand how it feels to be in a position to have to choose?

Women are NOT second class citizens and WE do not live in a third world country. We live in America, land of the free and home of the brave. Yet, in 2012 we are still up women’s skirts and in their bedrooms. Not fair. I strongly believe in equality and I will fight tooth and nail for women’s rights.

I have two daughters and I plan on supporting them throughout their lives, no matter what. Sex education has to start at home; my children will have access to birth control whether or not I feel they are ready for sex. I know by the time that this happens they will have a clear understanding of sex and all that it entails. I also know that if we choose to stay in the State of Georgia they will not receive the sex education I believe is necessary to make the right decision in the heat of the moment.

However, accidents and mistakes do happen, and women and girls should have a choice, teenagers should be able to get the morning after pill and abortions without permission from a legal guardian. Frankly, if a fourteen or fifteen year old ends up pregnant, they don’t have enough parental guidance in the first place. If we leave the hard decisions up to the adults, what will the teenagers have learned?

Women are an integral part of this society; take a minute to think about all the women in your lives…  Do you love them? Do want what’s best for them?  Think about your daughters, nieces, sisters, wives, mothers, grandmothers and girlfriends, we want the best life possible for the women we love and if contraception or abortion is part of that path, let it be. Love them for who they are, support them, encourage them and one day soon we will be leading the free world.

Valentine's Day

Years ago I wrote a blog about how much I hated Valentine’s Day and I still do, to a degree. However, I realized that love has a different meaning now than it did all those years ago. I have been in relationship for 7 years and in those years I learned that loving someone does not make life any easier. I’ve also learned that compromise and mutual respect are much more important aspects of love than romance is.

Sharing a life with someone else is the most complicated and rewarding aspect of life.  I believe that parenting is easier than marriage, because as a parent I’m in charge my house my rules. In my marriage neither one of us holds the ultimate power, therefore we have to communicate and compromise. Interpersonal communications is always a challenge it requires good listening skills, empathy and a grasp of body language. The longer two people are together the easier it becomes to “hear” the other the person. Love used to mean romance, fun and gifts but over time these things have faded into the back ground and a deeper attachment was formed. Mutual understanding, respect and the decision we are in this together forever. Once the latter decision was made things became easier, without the question of whether it was all worth the time.

This Valentine’s Day we just might celebrate not only our love for one another but also how far we have come over the years. There have been many hard times and I’m sure there will be more. However, I believe we have weathered the storm and realized that we can do this together. The reason behind my confidence in us is the fact that I have watched us hold on to this relationship. It could have ended; it would have been easier for us to just walk away. However, we have kids and one thing we see eye to eye on is raising these kids together. It’s not only the commitment to each other that is important. It is the commitment to the kids as well. The fact of the matter is our kids are the most important things in our lives everything else come second including our relationship. It works for us because we know each other so well we don’t have to focus on “us” day in and day out.

We know each other very well and there are no surprises anymore and he is my best friend just like he was eight years ago. We trust each others judgment and respect each other’s thoughts and feelings. Letting go of the small personality quirks we don’t like in each other was not easy but has made things so much better. When I step back and look at the big picture the small day to day conflicts are inconsequential and the bigger meaning of a happy life and marriage can shine through.  

Today I just wanted to take the time to say that it’s all been worth it, and I know we’ve got this. No matter what happens we will face it together and get through it.

Happy Valentine’s Day Brian! I love you.

My Search for a Job

The unemployment rate has dropped and the economy seems to be on an upswing however, there are still many people who are jobless. I have been looking for a job since June and still have not found one. It boggles my mind that I’ve only had one interview in the last nine months. I have applied to hundreds if not thousands of jobs.

Some days I spend up to six hours applying to jobs. I have rewritten my cover letter ten times and I often times send a personalized cover letter. I do my research and include things in my cover letter about the company I’m applying to. I don’t understand how it is that I can’t get hired at Target, Home Depot, Old Navy or Best Buy. Its retail, I have 10 years experience in customer service and I include that on my resume and cover letter. My best guess is that employers are not reading the applications or I’m overqualified.

Overqualified or not, I still need a job and obviously if I received a bachelor’s degree I am capable of learning, working hard and meeting deadlines. Those qualities used to count for something. I am tempted to stop putting my bachelor’s degree on applications for retail, just to see if that makes a difference.

The only reason I’m looking into retail is because I can’t find a job in journalism. I have been looking for a writing job for about six years. I tried to get an internship at our local paper every semester I was in college but, it never worked out. I had one interview at a newspaper in La Grange and yesterday the position I applied for and interviewed for is back online. It’s so frustrating, I’m a good writer, and I can conduct research, interview, and produce excellent writing on deadline. The problem is I do not have any recent clips. I do have a portfolio from my time at the Express; however it’s not digitized and the editor I met with had no desire to look at it.

I looked into internships while I was at Georgia State, however I was already commuting 90 miles a day and most internship’s were unpaid and highly competitive. As a non-traditional student trying to raise a family while going to school full-time, an unpaid internship was not feasible. However, I should have made that sacrifice that would have at least provided me with a reference and some current clips. Hence the reason for the blog, I’m hoping to showcase my writing.

All I need if for one person to give me a chance. The fact is I’m at point were McDonald's and Wal-Mart are looking like viable options for employment. If in fact that does happen, why did I spend 40k on school? I never thought I would get a great job right out of school but, I did expect to get to get something.  The boredom is killing me, doing dishes and laundry all day is not what I had planned to do with my degree.

Healthy Eating with the Kids

Our family has decided to change the way we eat, after conducting research on America’s food safety and food supply chain. I came to the conclusion that many of the food products I was feeding my kids were full of additives. I do read labels but more for the sugar and fat content. Both my kids are “active” and the less sugar the better. After watching a series of documentaries pertaining to both to a plant based diet and the treatment of the animals we eat, I decided to go for a plant based diet. I vowed to be a better consumer and read the ingredients lists and buy only things with natural ingredients. I mean no high fructose corn syrup, hydrogenated soy bean oil as well as other ingredients based on genetically altered corn and soy bean crops. In addition to avoiding mass produced meat and poultry products.  

Upon this realization I ran to the pantry and read the labels of every single food item we have and I had no idea how m any extras were in almost all our food, from canned beans to bread. I have now switched to dried beans and I’m making my own bread.  Canned beans take a total of 10 minutes to prepare while dried beans take 6 hours for the quick method. Store bought bread takes no time to prepare.  Not only are we faced with changing the type of food we eat we are also changing the way in which we prepare the food.

More cooking is not the problem, it’s the planning. Before I switched to a whole food diet, at about three in the afternoon I would start thinking about dinner. Now I have to plan at least a day ahead, it is a great exercise in planning and organization. I feel better after a meal that I made with whole foods and the family feels better as well. No hyper children, no tummy aches and best of all excellent nutrition.

Nutrition is the bottom line; we live in a state where one in three children will end up with diabetes. Additionally, we have the highest rate of childhood obesity. It is for the health of my family that I wanted to make this change. If eating a whole foods diet becomes normal to them, I believe we will have the won the battle!

Women and the Media

The portrayal of young girls and adolescents in advertising is increasingly sexual and inappropriate. Many girls in advertising are made to look like women and many women are made to look like girls with ruffled panties or pig tails. In addition, teenage models are put in playboy like ,positions while wearing little clothing. In an effort to attract men and give the illusion that it’s okay to look at girls and teenagers as sex objects. The girls who see these ads think they need to dress more provocative and need to be thin and beautiful to attract men. The Book, Women in popular culture has a chapter addressing the Lolita look, most ads that feature teenagers use this look to attract consumers. Whether the advertiser is selling clothes to teenagers or cars to men, teenagers are often dressed to look like “jail bait”. 

Specifically, sexualizing young girls and teenagers leads to the unobtainable goal of being a size zero as well as promotes the idea that it’s okay to have sex with teenagers. In addition, it makes young girls feel unwanted and ugly when they cannot obtain the perfect body or the perfect man. As a parent of two young daughters I struggle with these images on daily basis. The shows and music my children consume are filled with these images. As much as the Disney channel tries to sell wholesome shows, most of the young women are rail thin and with prefect skin and make-up. Even in cartoons such as the Winks club, all the fairies are skinny with big boobs and tinny clothes. My daughters love Lady Gaga and, she does nothing for female empowerment. We never see her in jeans and t-shirt, Lady Gaga is always done up in full make- up and costumes. What are we teaching our children?’

I took a class in my last semester of college that changed my life. This class opened my eyes to the representation of women and girls in the media and it has become a passion of mine. Manly because I have two girls raise and I struggle with body image as well. One main theory I took from that class is as long as women are worried about looking hot and finding a man we will never have real power… Just something to think about the next time you look in the mirror. More to come on this topic as I have some extensive research on the representation of women J

Partisan Politics is Killing America

As the American people sit at home and watch our leaders fight, we have one question, why? You are elected officials. Start acting like it. Instead of sticking to party lines and political ideals, start thinking about our country and the people living in it. Check political rhetoric and sound bites at the door, we don’t care about your constitutes or the 2012 elections. We care about our jobs, money, kids and parents.

The political landscape of America is an atrocity and not a single elected official in Washington is innocent. It’s time to sit down and shut up. Listen to what the other side has to say, listen to what we are saying! I would gladly pay more taxes, if I could find a good job. The Government paid for my education and believe me, I want to pay my loans back. However, there are no jobs and while myself and thousands of other people are struggling to make ends meet, Congress and the President are throwing hissy fits.

Your behavior is ridiculous, and dare I say it, Un-American, when the speaker of the house doesn’t answer the phone when the President of the United States calls. This is not some random person bugging you Mr. Speaker, whether or not you agree with President Obama, you pick up the phone out of respect for the office, at the very least. Regardless of how mad you are it is unacceptable to make the President call YOU back.

There are big issues the Nation is facing and we need strong people who are willing to do what is best for our country not their re-election campaign or bank accounts. I send a warning to members of congress and the President, if this continues and you refuse to use common sense and mutual respect, chances are you will not be re-elected. 

It is impossible to go through life without compromise, that’s in Life 101, maybe you missed that day of pre-school. Stubbornness turns into stupidity quickly, when an entire nation is counting on you to make decisions and you refuse, using partisan ideals as an excuse.  The middle of the isle is the way to go on this, without compromise everyone looses especially the American people.

             

A positive impact of Facebook on social interaction

Facebook is often depicted as an alternative to face to face interaction. Many professors, sociologist and scientist write about the negative impact of Facebook on social interaction. However, Facebook saved me from an awkward situation the other night. This situation set in a motion a series of positive events, that might otherwise, have been negative if not for one status update. In that moment I realized that Facebook does have a positive effect on interpersonal communication.  

A friend and I went to a movie earlier in the evening and afterward we decided to go to a restaurant that I had worked at for a couple of years. I asked to sit in the section of one of my old co-workers. He and I used to be pretty good friends. He was one of the first people, at work, I told I was pregnant.  He was also a big help at work when I was a huge, pissed off pregnant lady. While we were both employed at the restaurant so was his long time girlfriend. By the time I quit the three of use has been working together for almost two years.

Of course I had been Facebook friends with both of them and upon log in one day, I learned that there relationship had ended. Now, if I had not read that post my nice night out and his night at work might have been ruined. Because I had read that post I knew not to ask about her. I knew from a few other posts that it was hard and many people in their inner circle were affected by it.

Facebook gave me the social edge that night, had I not been “friends” with them I would not have known about the break-up. Inevitably, if not for Facebook I would have referenced them or asked about her that night. Although, this was just one of many social interactions I participated in, this was the only one that made me pause and think about how our online relationships often spill over into our interpersonal communications.

Social media not only connects us to events that we cannot directly participate in, but also helps to shape our face to face interactions with our friends, relatives and co-workers who are also in our Internet circle of friends. Navigating these relationships is not always easy but thanks to social media I successfully married my online life and my real life, and in the process I learned a valuable lesson. Facebook has made it easy to keep track of my friends, once I weed-out the Farmville and goofy kitty pictures, my friends real lives are there on my computer screen. I can choose to interact with their posts or just keep them in the back of my mind.  

The Beginning

This blog is an exercise in writing, to make sure I can still do it. There is a void in my head where the words used to flow freely. The sense that part of my brain is under water or in a heavy fog is unnerving, as I used to write non-stop. Day to day I am an unintentional housewife, having graduated with a degree in political and public communication in May 2011, I have yet to find a job. I’ve put in hundreds of applications and have had one interview in the last six months. That is not why I decided to start writing again, I have been using writers block as an excuse, a cover-up, for the truth. My debilitating fear that I’m not as good as I used be, that somehow the fact that I’m a housewife gives less credibility to my writing, the idea that good writers are out there every day pounding the pavement to write stories that “matter.” I recently came to the conclusion that my writing does matter, it always has. This internal struggle, is just that, internal. There are many factors and reasons why I stopped writing but I can trace it back to one life changing event that I thought I was ready for. The night I said good-bye to parents and hopped into a U-haul truck with my boyfriend (he’s now my husband) and drove from Livermore, CA to Moreland, GA, it was a defining moment in my life.  It has not been easy; I long for the fog rolling over the hills and fast moving water of The River complete with its murky waters, and its hypnotic quality. Many of the things I took for granted while I was living in California are the very things I yearn for now. It has been six years since that night and my whole life has changed. I’m not sure that the changes have been positive. However, that cannot be an excuse anymore; I am picking myself up out of the void. I worked very hard to get my degree and this should not be any different, I have the drive, its finding the desire to create that I have trouble with these days. To create excellent work one must have both the drive and the desire. I have wanted to be a writer since I was 17 years old. That fact has not changed and it never will. So here it goes…